Photo 1: Alan Keyes earns his place in history as the nation's biggest loser ever!

 

Photo 2: Rising star Obama Barak keeps a flicker of hope alive for the future of the Democratic party

The outcome of the senate race was no real surprise to anyone apart from maybe the twelve family members that voted for him!

Keyes had been shipped in to the race to replace the much more qualified and reasonable Jack Ryan, who had been thrown out of the race in May by his own party for admitting to having sex with his own wife. (And he had witnesses to prove it!) (See related funny, weird news article).

Despite his thrashing, Keyes was in no mood for surrender and even refused to concede defeat like a gentleman to Mr. Barak as is customary.

But he was quick to defend the president against the growing masses of critics and historians who have accused George W. Bush of being 'the worst president ever, ever, ever, in the whole history of the world!'

"What the hell is up with those whining liberals?" he snarled, at an impromptu press meeting. "I mean, apart from the president's

• disastrous foreign policy;
• his unjustified war in Iraq;
• his bundled attempts to capture Osama Bin Laden;
• his outsourcing of America jobs;
• the loss of healthcare coverage;
• the trampling of Bill of Rights;
• the destruction of the environment;
• and his pandering to large corporations and religious extremists

- apart from that, what the hell are these people complaining about?"

And talking about religious extremists, the overwhelming sense of shock and disbelief at Mr Bush's reelection in Europe, can be partially explained by the fact that virtually all Europeans had forgotten to account for the effect that religion has on the typical American voter. (Go to next funny, weird news article).

© 2004 The Gag Report ™. All rights reserved.

Back to this week's Funny News Headlines

---